A Midzummer Night'z Dream
by Thud Mancake
Summary: This is a crossover fic of sorts. I took the basic, merry concept of Shakespeare's A Midsummer Night's Dream, and twisted it to fit the Zim world. A fanchar fic, Zim and Dib are bewitched and become rivals for the affections of a strange girl. UPDATED!
1. It Begins

"A Midzummer Night'z Dream"

DISCLAIMER: All right folks, I don't have the rights to Invader Zim (that's Jhonen Vasquez's deal) nor do I own A Midsummer Night's Dream (that little piece of work is Shakespeare's). I simply thought it'd be interesting to make a little Zim fic with that ol' fairy charm, granted, I took some liberties and bent a few plot details. Also, it's got some fan characters, so…yeah.

Anyway, enjoy.

It was a miserable fall day in a small suburban town. This town could really be any town at all, even your town. Dead leaves fluttered about the dark, windy city as morose children traipsed home from school. Among these children was a teenage girl by the name of Kumari Jones, called Ari by her friends (provided she had any). She was an average looking girl; normal height, shoulder-length, dirty blonde hair, and wolf-like blue eyes. Her baggy tan pants and loose-fitting black, flame-rimmed shirt made her appear to be nothing more than a lonely girl, but she was so much more. Gifted with vast intelligence and an unrivaled hatred for humanity, Ari was the single most brooding and evil woman on the planet. Walking a few paces behind her was a tall, green-skinned boy in a strange uniform. This boy was of course, Invader Zim.

Six long, arduous years had passed since Zim landed on Earth. Those six years brought him battles with Dib, conflicts with maladjustment to human life, contact with other aliens, and a growth spurt. Zim had surprisingly become taller due to the Earth's atmosphere and helped maintain the illusion that he was simply a "normal" kid with a skin condition. Of course, the six years on Earth could not change Zim's dynamic with Dib, which had taken an entirely new twist. Not only were they vying for the fate of the planet, but now for the affections of one girl. This was one battle Zim was visibly winning.

Zim sped up and shouted, "Ari!" Ari, containing her glee at talking with Zim, merely rotated her head slightly in brief acknowledgment.

"Ari," Zim panted, "I didn't get a chance to ask you in class today but-"

"Too busy sticking the model atoms up Dib's nose?" Ari said dryly.

Zim flashed a quick frown and said, "That miserable stinkworm had it coming after that…incident at the stinkbeast football match."

Ari laughed. "You mean when you tried to sabotage the game with your exploding football, and Dib somehow managed to punt it out of the team's way, RIGHT AT YOUR FACE?" she asked.

Zim growled a little. "Yes…that would be the one."

Ari grinned a little and continued to walk.

"But as I was saying, earth girl, I was hoping you would join me in the lab tonight to as I concoct another brilliant scheme of explodey doom." Zim exclaimed.

Ari stopped and stared at him for a minute before whispering, "I that some sort of alien code for 'dinner and a movie?'" Zim suddenly blushed dark emerald and stammered indignantly. "Don't be ridiculous, earth girl, no mighty Irken invader would deign to make sucky-face actions with a lowly huuuman." He made sure to stretch out the last word, to make it super-insulting.

"Good because I don't go on 'dates.'" Ari grunted, concealing her disappointment.

"Neither does the Mighty Zim," spat the green boy, "Can I count on seeing you around the time 'The Scary Monkey Show' begins?" he asked.

Ari blinked. "If you mean 7:30, then yes, you can."

Zim grinned and said, "Excellent, see you then, earth beast." With those parting words, Zim toddled away and zoomed into his oddly pastel-colored house.

"Looking forward to it," Ari muttered to herself, blushing slightly.

Ari continued her long walk home, unaware of the nasty shock that awaited her at home.

Meanwhile, Dib Membrane, nerd extraordinaire, entered his creepy, mechanical house and slid the door shut. Already home and tooling away on her homework was Gaz, his gothic but studious and attractive sister. The latter two adjectives were recent developments, a result of a broken Gameslave and minimal exposure to sun and developmentally harmful substances. Both of the Membrane children had gotten taller and more mature looking, helping Dib's social status in the slightest bit, though he was still getting shunned for his paranoia. Occasionally, a somewhat attractive girl saw something in Dib and asked him out, only to get shot down by his response, usually incorporating his Bigfoot and Frankenchokey theories. Gaz, on the other hand, was highly sought after thanks to her pale skin, wonderfully large breasts, and "cool" hair but she too paid her callers no heed. She was Ivy League college bound, and the sooner she got out of her house, the better.

"Hi Gaz," Dib sighed as he flopped onto the oversized couch next to her. "Shut up, chemistry honors lab due tomorrow…Harvard…don't ruin me…stupid Dib." Gaz muttered as she scribbled furiously in her black notebook.

"Fine Gaz, be that way. I just won't say what I was going to say," Dib muttered petulantly.

"Good," Gaz grunted.

Dib, who couldn't resist the urge to blurt out news, finally broke down and yelled, "Oh, fine! Dad's calling a family meeting when he gets home tonight, and I think it has something to do with you and school."

Gaz perked up slightly. "Did he snag one of my acceptance letters? Was it a response from Yale?" she inquired.

Dib shrugged. "Who knows, but I can tell that whatever it is, it's big news."

Gaz snorted and continued to scribble out her chemistry formula. "I only care if it's about college. Otherwise, it's of no concern to me," she spat venomously.

Dib frowned and looked at her. "You know what Gaz? You've got one of the most piss-poor attitudes I've ever seen; you don't care about this family at all. Don't you want to be happy? Don't you want, I dunno, a boyfriend or a job at a pizza shop like normal girls?" he asked.

Gaz angrily snapped her pen, leaking ink all over her spare notebook paper. "Look Dib, who says I have to be 'normal?' You're not very normal, and that suits you fine. As for me, I'm the same way, and I really don't care if anyone approves of my abnormality or not."

Dib, taken aback, merely shrugged and stood up. "Dad will be home in half an hour," he said as he headed towards the stairs, "order a pizza so we can eat while he tells us the news. Dib turned around the corner to head up the stairs just in time, before an unopened can of soda whizzed towards where his head had been and exploded on the wall.

I'd say that's about it for the introductory chapter of my story. It may seem slow now, but it's going to pick up soon, I swear. After all, all good novels introduce everything first before they get into the action. Though this is no novel, it's…aw hell, just come back and read the next chapter, due soon. In the next edition: we hear about Dr. Membrane's big news, I'll introduce a few other characters, and somebody gets naked for one hundred dollars. All right, that last part's a lie. I hate me. Bye for now!


	2. Family Ties and Alien Lies

All right folks! It's time for Chapter Number Two! Without further ado, here it is: "Family Ties and Alien Lies."

Ari nervously glanced at her watch. Only ten minutes until Zim would be expecting her. She'd seen his lab, long ago, but this time she was actually invited. Ari, who normally disregarded mirrors due to their encouragement of vanity, quickly glanced at herself in the upstairs hall mirror. Her chunky, triangular bangs hung limp over her eyes precisely as she liked them. Taking a deep breath, Ari bolted down the spiral staircase of her home and headed for the door. Before she could reach the doorknob, her mother appeared.

"Hold on a minute killer, where do you think you're going?" Crystal Jones, proud scientist and mother of Ari demanded.

Ari scowled and folded her arms. "Does it matter? You're never home to make dinner anyway, so why should I…wait…why are you home now?" she enquired.

Crystal grabbed her car keys and Ari's arm and started out the door. "Remember Daddy's old college roommate? Well, he's a top-level scientist who's willing to give me a government grant for a small price," the doctor began to explain, "we simply need to meet him for dinner and the deal is sealed."

Ari struggled against her mother's surprisingly strong grip. "No mom, I have plans, you can't just command me whenever you come home…let GO!" she howled to no avail. Dr. Jones' car activated the mechanized seatbelt locks and trapped Ari. With a shriek of anguish, the car sped away.

"Children, I'm home!" boomed the eccentric Doctor Membrane. This fact was, of course, painfully obvious due to the crashing of the large, purple front door.

Dib bolted down the stairs like an excited puppy, straightening his "I Believe" UFO T-shirt. "Hey, Dad," squealed Dib, "I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE HOME!"

The professor gave Dib a crisp pat on the head before briskly strutting to the kitchen. "Yes, it's quite the occasion, son," he stated.

Gaz slowly rounded the corner and watched her father with mild interest. "So what's this urgent news; it was obviously a big deal if you dragged yourself away from work," she muttered icily. Professor Membrane gave a chuckle and whapped Gaz on the back.

The overzealous professor looked dramatically at his offspring and struck a dramatic pose. He said, "Yes children, I have very exciting news, but I can't discuss it until my colleague arrives. Needless to say, it's of great interest to you, Gaz."

Gaz's eyes lit up as she could only think of one thing: "College….admissions…letter….?" she murmured, spellbound. Professor Membrane braced Gaz's shoulders and stooped to be at eye level with her.

"Gaz," he murmured.

"Y-yes?" the purple-haired goth replied.

Dramatic pause, maybe some inspirational music

"It's much more important than that!" The professor cried.

Gaz slapped her forehead dramatically and snarled at her dad, "What could be more important than getting out of HERE?"

Suddenly, a car pulled up outside the Membrane home and the slamming of car doors could be heard. Professor Membrane's head popped up, and he rushed to the door. "That's my colleague now!" The door swung open to reveal a tall, blonde woman in a white lab coat and pink goggles clutching the arm of a tan, angry-looking blonde girl.

"Professor Jones! Come in, make yourself comfortable," Professor Membrane exclaimed, ushering the two women to the purple, oblong couch, "Children, you must know Professor Jones' daughter, Ari, from school." he continued. Gaz gave a slight nod of acknowledgment and Dib adjusted his wristbands slightly.

"Umm, yes…er, we've met…once or twice," Dib stammered, trying not to reveal an obvious obsession with Ari as well as the fact that the few instances they had interacted, Ari had been helping Zim with some sort of scheme.

"Dad," Gaz grunted, "the news?"

Professor Membrane popped up suddenly and rushed across the room. "Of course! Well, let's just get right on with it then," he began as he revealed a large electric transmitter, "As you know, Professor Jones' lab has recently been commissioned to develop a powerful appearance-altering serum. Testing has yielded conclusive evidence of potential breakthroughs, but without proper funding no advancements can be made." The monitor threw up images of a woman with crab claws, a man with a large beak, and one little boy with exceptionally large webbed feet. Professor Membrane continued, "I fully believe in Professor Jones' research and I have decided to give her funding to complete the serum. Of course, funding isn't cheap; I'd obviously expect to be recompensated, but we're very well off! What could I possibly ask for? Then it occurred to me...the one thing I lack."

Gaz, Ari, and Dib all held their breath in anticipation.

The Professor took a breath and said with confidence, "I lack an heir. Yes, I have you two, but what will become of my facilities? Let's just pretend for a moment that you two aren't able to take over the corporation; if Dib goes off to hunt monsters and Gaz becomes a college graduate, what becomes of my lab? Even if you two do inherit the family business, who will be left to take it from the two of you? Let's face facts, neither of you are exactly what I'd call "normal," or social. I desperately need to find life mates for both of you, considering the lousy job you've done of finding them for yourselves!"

"What exactly does this mean for us?" Ari asked, speaking for the first time.

"It means that I've found a way to get my funding, and Professor Membrane gets his heir," Professor Jones added.

"The Professor laughed and continued, "That's right Crystal. So without further ado, I'm proud to announce that Ari is now…promised in marriage to Dib!"

Ari's stomach suddenly twisted into a knot as the final statement turned in her mind. "No…it's IMPOSSIBLE" Ari screamed, "you can't make me, I will NEVER marry him." She sneered at Dib

"Oh I'm afraid it's mandatory sweetie," Professor Jones said sweetly. "You ingested an obedience implant with your toast this morning. Now you're chemically obligated to obey or suffer intense, painful consequences."

"How could you do that to me? Your own daughter! screamed Ari. With this outburst Crystal pressed a button on her wristband and Ari began to writhe in pain. Crystal Jones shook her head and said, "Aaaw sweety, I don't want to do this to you, but it's the only way; I'm sure you'll grow to love Dib."

Ari began to cry as she lay on the floor holding her stomach. "Why…" she simpered.

Dib, who had watched this scene with amazement, could barely fathom this news. His secret crush was now forced to marry him. What would everyone think? Most of all, what would Zim say? He'd be crushed beyond belief, and if Ari was forced to obey, Dib could use her to penetrate Zim's lab! The possibilities made Dib giddy.

Gaz butted in and asked, "What does this have to do with me?"

Professor Membrane said, "I'm glad you asked, Gaz. You may recall that a few months ago I acquired a backer from a foreign sovereignty. His name is Prince Urple, and his money allows for my lab to make mind-blowing new discoveries. Like me, the Prince doesn't give his money away for free, so I had to give him a little token of business to seal the deal…"

Gaz's eyes widened. "Oh no, you can't mean-"

Professor Membrane hushed her and pressed a button on the transmitter's monitor. The image of a handsome but pompous looking young man with bright purple hair appeared, obviously Prince Urple.

"Gaz," The Professor said, "Meet your new husband!"

There we go kiddies, the second lengthy installment. Gaz and Ari have been pawned off as wives in arranged marriages. Who is Prince Urple (you probably guessed), what will the three teens do now that they've been forced off into this scheme, and what will become of Zim?

These questions will be answered in the future, but as for the next chapter…Dib's jealous admirer makes her own plans to disrupt the arranged marriage, while Zim employs an old friend to infiltrate Membrane's lab. New characters are introduced, and the story presses on! Join us next time!


	3. Those Damn Vikings and a Parisian Menace

Okay everyone, thanks for the comments and such! For further reference, action happening in other places will be separated with X's, considering that when I upload my chapters all my dashes and stars go buh-bye. Yeah. Okay, let's see how the teens deal with forced love, Zim with rejection, and Gir with a dead parrot. Seriously.

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In the depths of his shadowy laboratory, Zim paced furiously, throwing glances at his utility wristwatch. "Stupid human, how dare she disobey the time set by Mighty Zim!" the green boy exclaimed. His anger was simply to mask his extreme disappointment. Somewhere inside his cold, green chest beat the heart of a lover. How cute…or gross…what you will.

Zim scowled at the mirror. He had left in his contacts and wig to make Ari feel more comfortable. Here he was, a mighty Irken Invader and he was trying to accommodate filthy humans? It was beneath him indeed.

"Fine, I have no use for the stinkbeast if she decides to abandon the future master of this planet," pouted Zim. He pressed a button on his wristwatch and the small metal table adorned with alien flowers sunk into the floor. Forlorn and depressed, Zim decided to drown his sorrows in plans for world conquest.

"Never again will my mighty green presence honor a filthworm the likes of Ari! I work alone," Zim said with confidence as he scrolled through an old plan journal.

Suddenly, a panel in the wall opened and in bounced Zim's faithfully dysfunctional assistant, Gir. Despite six years on Earth, Gir hadn't changed a bit, except for his new affinity for creating art with his grubby feet. It was odd how it happened; Gir had merely stomped in some paint and walked on an old canvas. Some crazy, struggling artist took credit for the boon and made thousands of dollars. It's probably better that way, or else we'd have to imagine the consequences of Gir with thousands of dollars at his disposal.

Gir skipped up to Zim and gazed at him with a smile. "Aaaw, Master be sad…did that little Earth child make mean to you?" Gir babbled.

Zim glanced at the oddly perceptive SIR unit and sighed. "Yes Gir, now go run along and…play with your feet," he muttered.

"M'KAY!" Gir hollered as he skipped off with a tube of crazy glue in his left hand.

Zim frowned at his old journal. "So many possibilities…if only…she…no…I…" Zim argued with himself. After much debate internal, Zim came to one conclusion.

"She was captured by… Vikings! I better go hunt for her!"

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Gaz shuddered violently as the violet-haired pretty boy on the monitor before her manipulated his eyebrows seductively. "Dad," she growled, "you can't expect me to marry…THAT; I don't even know the freak!"

Professor Membrane gave a hearty guffaw and rumpled Gaz's hair. "Now now, Gaz, you'll learn to love Prince Urple," the Professor chirped. "What's NOT to adore? He's got money, fame, education, good looks…please Gaz, try to understand my position!"

Gaz snarled indignantly at her father, "NO." The Professor stood straight and wordlessly strode to his laboratory door. Before descending he turned to Gaz and said, "You are going to marry Prince Urple. Marry him…or suffer the consequences." With that, he strode down the stairs, slamming the door behind him.

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It was nearly eleven-thirty when Ari left the Membrane house with her mother. Silent, trapped, and forlorn, Ari refused to dignify her mother's flow of words with any type of response. Ari was officially a prisoner no matter what she did. Refuse Dib, and she would become horribly deformed by the shock-therapy collar-it might even kill her. Accept the marriage, and she would be forced to spend an eternity with someone she didn't love.

Choices.

Ari knew what she ultimately must do: find Zim and have him use superior technology to remove the shocker. Once that was said and done, they could escape together, and form a partnership. Of course, a deal with Zim isn't something to be taken lightly (considering his affinity for failure), and Ari was fully aware of the consequences should she fail to make a clean getaway with the green alien.

Ari trudged into her house and burst into her room. Seemingly unable to weep, she merely snarled and proceeded to drive her fist straight into her mattress. To her surprise, the mattress replied, "GAH!" Curious, Ari peeled back her mangled mattress to reveal Zim, in his human disguise, nursing a severely swollen left eye.

"Zim," Ari murmured.

Zim nodded and pulled himself from the wreckage. "Indeed, Ari-girl. I have come to rescue you from the dread Vikings! I knew filthy humans with horns could not be trusted!" Zim raved.

Ari laughed and took a good, hard look at Zim.

Zim quirked a non-existent eyebrow, "What?"

Ari merely shook her head and grabbed his skinny arm. "I'll tell you later," she said, "but for now, let's get out of here. I have a plan." Ari swung open her window and pulled Zim out.

"Yeek, nraw, ooch! Where are you taking me, human woman?" Zim screeched.

Ari clamped his mouth shut and peered into his eyes. "Shut up. Look Zim, all I can say is that if I don't leave her now, I'll die. I'm being forced into a marriage with…" she swallowed in disgust, "Dib. My mom put an obedience implant in me, and I need you to take it out so we can run away to another planet."

Zim scratched his eyeball as he peered back at her. "You're a crazy one, Earth beast, but I accept. After all, The Tallest may reward me for a human captive," Zim cried!

Ari frowned at him, and decided to take a little time to pry. "Isn't there another reason you're helping me? Maybe because you like-"

The strange pair's rooftop conversation was cut short as a large Hunter/Destroyer robot emerged from an opening in the roof. Ari gazed at the machine in fear.

"RUN!" she cried.

In an instant, the two leapt from the roof and scrambled into the forest as the robot shot deadly beams of energy at them. Their escape would prove to be a short-lived triumph in the end, considering what awaited them in the forest.

XXXXXXXXXXX Meanwhile, in Paris, France….XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The sun was shining high over the lovely Parisian countryside as a tall, good-looking youth sat in a café, wearing a white dress shirt, large Paris Hilton-esque sunglasses, and a black blazer and pants set. He looked very normal, save for his snow-white hair (which didn't match his twenty-something appearance), and the fact that he sat casually sipping an espresso while smoking a long, thin cigarette made him look that much more normal amongst the Parisians.

The very calm man was somewhat catlike in his appearance; very much at ease and very comfortable with the bustling city, almost a sleepy glaze over his very alert eyes. This catlike appearance was augmented by his lapping up of the espresso like a cat while mewing slightly in between hot gulps. The cat boy reached into his pocket and grabbed a small electronic device. With a flick of his wrist, he depressed a button on the item.

Suddenly, a terrifying explosion echoed throughout the city. A jet of debris rolled to the cat boy's feet as he sat, completely unaffected, sipping his espresso. As the terrified Parisians rushed away and sirens blared, a tall, thin girl wearing a black skirt and top stormed out of a nearby shop clenching her fists and waving them at the cat boy. Now he looked terrified. The green-eyed girl pushed a strand of red hair behind her ears and grabbed the cat boy by the throat, who howled like a drowning kitten.

"UMI," the girl shouted at the yowling youth, "you stupid, inept, loathsome dolt! You were specifically told to wait until I gave the signal to blow up that building! WHAT, pray tell, is so difficult about THAT?" she shouted.

The cat boy grinned and gave a little snicker, "You're so funny when you're mad, Jaz!"

Jaz clutched her head and let her cousin, Umi, drop to the ground. "I swear to Kali, if I hadn't promised mother, ON HER DEATHBED, to watch over you…I would have smothered you long ago."

Umi casually licked the back of his hand in the fashion of a preening cat, and glanced at his cousin. "Silly cousin, I got a lil' transmission just a while ago, but YOU'LL never know," he said defiantly.

The female terrorist squinted and placed her hands on her hips, bristling in a very fox-like manner. "You have no choice; as ranking officer I demand to hear the transmission, or I'll revoke your flying privileges!" Jaz threatened.

Umi hissed menacingly and tossed her the transmission box. "FINE, you win…"he said, breaking his childlike mood. Jaz smiled triumphantly and started the transmission.

"If the League of Anti-human Activities, Agents Rage and Starr, find this message this is the-GIR! GET AWAY WITH YOUR NASTY BRAINFREEZY OF INSANITY!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX All we need to hear, huh? XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

That's all for now. Sorry for a lame, sparse chapter but school is driving me crazy. It's hard to update these days, so bear with me here. I also have to set up the plot and get the groundwork laid out before the juicy stuff happens. More interesting stuff to come from now on (including a bio of those mysterious new characters). Until next time, keep reading!


	4. Don't Sweat the Small Stuff

Okey dokey, folks! Time for Round Four! I should be writing a history paper right now, but the Chesapeake region is no match for Zim!

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THWACK!

A large tree branch smashed into Zim's forehead as Ari dragged him through the dense undergrowth. "HUMAN," Zim barked as he nursed his swollen noggin, "how long until we reach the point of safety; I have several owies-" Ari glanced awkwardly at him during this, "I mean, WOUNDS from the plant life of this world!"

Ari snickered a little and moved her firm grip from Zim's arm to his hand. "For a mighty alien invader, you're the biggest…what's your word for it? Oh yeah, smeet! You're the biggest smeet I know."

Zim attempted to scowl, but couldn't seem to manipulate his face while Ari had control of his hand. The sickly-green skin of the invader went emerald as the human girl lead him into a shabby clearing. "So," Ari said as she turned to face the blushing Zim, "this is the spot your friends should be meeting us at in about…half an hour." Zim nodded quickly to hide his blushing, but Ari grinned to herself as she noticed his nervous nature; Zim hadn't let go of her hand yet.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Meanwhile, in a spot just barely in earshot of Ari and Zim…xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

A small, twitchy squirrel scampered through a pile of wet dead leaves, twitching about in complete ignorance, until a spiny hand swooped down and snatched it up. "Yes my little wretch, you are just one of many…one of the many I shall use for my new squirrel-powered ship! After my turtle-powered engine and duck-powered models failed, I knew the only logical step was SQUIRRELS! I shall return home with the power of furry mammals!"

It seemed as though a few years stranded in the Earthling wilderness had adverse affects on this poor creature, a creature that was still as ruthless, classy, and terrifying as when it arrived, but simply a little more vengeful.

Presently the creature, of feminine shape, heard the rumblings of a conversation nearby and cautiously crept towards the area for a better view. A female voice piped up, "So this is the spot your friends should be meeting us at in about…half an hour." As the creature looked closer, it noticed a tan, blonde human girl conversing with a boy…a boy with black hair and a large green head…

The creature went berserk with rage: "ZIM!" it hissed. The pair quickly looked over at the bush, but decided it was simply a small mammal. The creature stood stock-still as the two unraveled their plan; the new listener merely heard the words "Dib," "escape," and "freedom." The creature sulked over to a nearby tree and slumped against it. "Foolish Zim…he thinks he can get away with this, an escape plan? Not while invader blood courses through my veins. I may detest the humans and that obnoxious Dib creature, but the lesser of two evils must be employed in order to seek revenge on that….awful….pathetic…insult to the Irken race!" the creature stood up and clenched its fists as a strong breeze ruffled the dead leaves. "I will help expose and destroy Zim, or my name isn't Invader Tak!"

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"All I'm saying is that vampires COULD infiltrate the band-aid market and destroy it from the ground up if they really wanted to; think of all that blood, wasted on an absorbent strip. If I was a vampire it'd be the first thing I'd consider in my plan for conquest," Dib babbled. He wore a hands-free headset and sipped a large soft drink.

"I'm telling you, if we combined our resources and really hit this conspiracy hard we could become senior paranormal investigation agents! So what do you say w- hello? Hello? Grandma? Grandma, are you still there?" Dib shrugged and clicked off the headset. No sooner had he ended his conversation with his grandma and picked up a sci-fi magazine than another call came through on the headset.

"Hello?" Dib muttered.

A ripple of intense static erupted from the other end of the line before a voice began to cut in.

"Ye-Dib thi-yo-remem-ne-elp," the other voice babbled through the static.

Dib frowned and flicked the headset, "Yeah, I can't hear you, you're breaking up."

Suddenly, the frantic chatter of…squirrels erupted from the other line before only a small, harmless crackle could be heard.

The voice said. "Yes, hello Dib. You may not remember me, but I remember you. We have something in common: a certain green pest with big plans…"

Dib's eyes went wide as he exclaimed, "ZIM? You know about him too?"

The voice laughed. "Oh yes Dib, I know all about Zim…and his most recent plan…it concerns YOU."

Dib's right eye twitched violently as he listened to this news. "I'm listening. Go on."

The squirrel noises resumed momentarily, accompanied by the frustrated sounds of the caller. "Forgive me, this telephone is squirrel powered." Surprisingly, the previous statement didn't even faze Dib.

The voice resumed, "As I was saying, Zim has a certain possession of yours…something very dear to you…a blonde, pretty something."

Dib stopped for a moment before he realized what the caller meant. He said, "Ari…he's got Ari?"

The voice laughed and said, "If that's what you call it. I will help you get revenge on Zim and help you get your woman back…for a price."

Dib pondered this before angrily demanding, "Who ARE you?"

The caller laughed even more crazily and sinisterly than before. "In good time. You'll recognize me when you reach Splitfoot's Forest in twenty minutes," the voice said, and the phone clicked off with one last squirrelly crackle.

Dib sat, fists clenched, heart pounding, teeth gritted in true anger. Zim had scared, annoyed, and bothered Dib, but this was the first instance in which he was truly angry at the green-skinned menace. He stood up, threw down his headset, and grabbed his trench coat.

He knew what he had to do.

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It had been a busy day for Gir. The neighbor's pet squid had died (likely from lack of attention) and Gir had rescued it from the trash, citing it as a "teddy bear." In the same day, a parrot delivery truck had crashed outside the compound, releasing hundreds of exotic birds. One parrot, red with an oversized noggin and googly eyes, had wandered into the yard, where it was subsequently captured and force fed by Gir. After going into a comatose state due to overeating, Gir seized this opportunity to make a new friend. Using his freshly dead squid and the new parrot pal, he created a squelchy creature that Dr. Frankenstein would have cringed at. It had the squid's lower body and the parrot's torso, with a zipper sewn into the back of the neck. Gir deemed his new friend "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEE!" but luckily for any sane human being, Gir normally referred to the creature as Jub.

After a long day of feeding Jub lipstick, Gir decided to take his new pet on a walk. He remembered that Master was going to find his new human girl to take her to a spinach festival or some such fun, and he decided to take Jub to find his Master.

Poor, confused Gir would unwittingly start a chain of events that would make the evening very interesting….very interesting indeed.

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The stars of the Milky Way galaxy twinkled like embers as a tall, good-looking man with lavender hair slumped lazily over a steel chair while an identical man (although with crimson hair) mixed drinks behind a bar. The lavender-haired young man looked seriously ill, almost…green with fatigue. The skin of the young man almost seemed lifeless and fake as it hung off the frame of the boy himself. Suddenly, the skin dropped off without warning to reveal a green, antennae-adorned head of pulpy flesh.

"Oh, is it that time already?" the red man asked. Suddenly, his skin dropped away to reveal a similar form. The handsome young men melted away to reveal everyone's favorite monarchial jerks Almighty Tallest Red and Almighty Tallest Purple! The two aliens stretched and tossed aside the saggy disguises.

"Told you these would come in handy, Purple," Red gloated.

Purple merely sighed and resumed his slump against the chair. "Remind me of the plan again, Red," Purple murmured. Red resumed heartily shaking a strange jar full of alien alcohol as he grinned and began to explain.

"It's so simple, and yet so wonderful, Purple. By marrying that pale girl, you will be entitled to access to Membrane's Laboratories. By exposing their weaknesses and leaving evidence of Zim's existence, we can simultaneously conquer their planet while ridding ourselves of that little green pain-in-the-ass! Not only will we infiltrate the Membrane Industries Lab, but we'll also get a couple of sweet ladies out of the deal! I mean, admit it Purple, that goth chick was pretty hot, and I bet she has TONS of equally pale and unsuspecting friends!" Red exclaimed.

Purple grimaced at the thought of marrying an angry Earthling as he turned to Red and asked, "Since when did you become such a horn-slorbie? What happened to the one that got away?"

Red's easy-going demeanor suddenly vanished and was replaced by honest forlornness. "Let's not talk about that, Purple. Concentrate on the mission. 'Prince Urple' has to be the most suave, wonderful, and dominant Earthling this girl has ever seen. Only then can we complete this mission, get some action, and leave that little dust ball of a planet," he moped.

Purple and Red spent another hour in silence before they finally reached Earth.

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TA-DA! Next chapter: Tallest arrive on Earth and adjust to human life, those two Terrorists finally show up, Zim, Ari, Tak, and Dib get into a forest mixup, and Gir get into some trouble! I'm exhausted, my girlfriend is really sick, and I have a pantload of homework to do. Happy Turkey Day!


End file.
